


Solid

by Japo_Chan23



Series: Dearest melancholy [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Don't read if you haven't watched the movie yet and if you want to, I'm not a doctor, Idk what happens after that lol the second movie comes out in a year, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Panic Attacks, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spoilers, Swearing, i guess, i think idk i guess maybe, like hell I know they all came out okay lmao, not edited, seriously watch Infinity War first, this is pretty short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 01:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14486001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Japo_Chan23/pseuds/Japo_Chan23
Summary: After everything that happened with Thanos, Peter is having a hard time coping with what happened to him.





	Solid

**Author's Note:**

> Literally me just talking about stuff that could've happened.
> 
> I've been crying A LOT because of That Scene Trademark with Peter and Tony, and I was thinking like, how traumatized he must be. Thus, this. Also I saw a Tumblr post that I can't find for the life of me right now.
> 
> EDIT: I was being emotional the other day, and made a playlist for Infinity War (it makes me very sad). [Here it is. ](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYG85jqr9jkQ7BamkVz5Y_lGXL8mI6XmE)
> 
> EDIT2: I just edited some stuff so it's more correct grammatically and stuff

Peter didn’t understand what was happening, but he wasn’t surprised. His body was shaking harshly against his own will, and no matter how many attempts he made to try and  _ stop _ , he was only successful for a few seconds before the trembling started up again. It  _ hurt _ , and he was clutching at his sides, legs pulled up to his chest, his palms constantly roaming over his body to make sure that nothing was going to start going away. That he was there, that he was  _ whole _ , and  _ solid _ . 

He didn’t know what happened after he. . . died. After he disappeared? After he ended up in the soul stone. With everyone else. The teenager didn’t understand anything that happened outside, and he  _ knew _ that they had a very soft, quiet, and solemn discussion after everything went down. The Avengers, the Guardians of the Galaxy, just everyone who was there. Peter knew that the ones that were somewhat okay after what happened had told the Fantastic Four and the X-Men what happened. 

Peter still didn’t understand why they weren’t there, but he couldn’t  _ care  _ right now, his lungs were refusing to take in more oxygen, and  _ he couldn’t breathe, why couldn’t he breathe- _

Bringing one of his hands up to his mouth, he quickly sunk his teeth in, stifling the upcoming sob. 

‘ _ I’m alive, I’m okay, everything’s okay, you’re alright, you aren’t going anywhere, you’re staying, you’re okay, you’re not going to die,’  _ Peter repeated to himself internally, removing his hand from his mouth to wipe at his eyes and cheeks in an attempt to get rid of his tears. “You’re strong, come on Peter you’re fine, nothing’s going to happen,” he mumbled sinking his fingertips into his feet.

Leaving fucking hurt. He saw when it happened to Mantis, Drax, Quill, Doctor Strange. It happened fast, and for the most part they didn’t seem to be in much pain or realize what was happening until it was  _ happening,  _ and they just  _ accepted it _ .

God, he was wish that happened to him. His spidey sense warmed him, and it was so  _ strong _ , and he felt it coming and it hurt so  _ bad _ , so thanks accelerated healing or whatever for trying to fight off the inevitable. Real helpful there. He’d rather go out quickly with a “Mr. Stark I don’t feel so good”, instead of finally getting a hug from his father figure (not to mention crying in his shoulder and expressing his fears) and an “I’m sorry”. It just hurt so  _ much,  _ and it was so  _ terrifying,  _ and he’s only freaking  _ seventeen _ .  

He felt so bad for Tony. That must have been messed up. 

Sucking in quick staccato breaths through his nose, he tried exhaling slowly, which would’ve been  _ fine _ , he would’ve been  _ okay _ , if not for the loud sob the came out, followed by his shoulders shaking, his breathing becoming uneven once more. 

Hitting the sides of his head with his hands, he sucked in deep breaths. “Come on Parker, come on Spiderman,” he whispered harshly, fingers curling in, grabbing fistfuls of soft brown hair. He tugged at his hair, pulling constantly, feeling the pain at his roots, and it  _ hurt _ , but it was  _ there _ , and that was all that matter right now. “You’re real, not going anywhere, get a grip.”

Letting go of his tufts of hair, he ran his hands down his face, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands. He pulled at his fingers, before pulling at his toes, and pinching at his skin. Peter kept this up for who knows how long, but he was a lot better now, and  _ fuck _ he hated everything so much right now, ‘cause of course he would end up with. . . whatever he had, he wasn’t a doctor. PTSD? Who knew, not him. 

Peter slowly put his feet back onto his floor, toeing at the carpeting. This wasn’t ideal. When he got back, he told Ned a majority of what happened. He left out the “I kind of died” part, simply telling him that he had to sit out for the rest of the time because he broke a leg. Peter assumed that Ned and Aunt May were okay, and didn’t end up in the soul stone, but he didn’t know, and he wasn’t even going to  _ ask _ . He didn’t know if anyone even remembered, but he assumed everyone did, considering how vivid his nightmares and constant straying thoughts were. 

The brunette felt like he couldn’t talk to anyone about it. They all just seemed so caught off guard by it they didn’t have time to react, but  _ he did _ , and  _ he had time _ , and that was the worst part. He had more time than anyone else, he’s assuming, and no one would  _ understand _ . 

The counselor at school- he had to talk to the fucking counselor because of this- wanted to talk to him about “where he was at the time, what he was doing, if he disappeared” and Peter was just  _ sobbing _ the whole time, because his legs felt so  _ weird during the entire thing _ , and he hated it so much, he thought he was going to disappear right then and there, he was so  _ scared _ . 

Michele cared like how she normally did, Flash was of no help whatsoever, Ned tried so hard to understand something he didn’t even know what happened, and he didn’t even tell Aunt May the explicit details. He stayed with Stark for a short period of time, just so Tony knew he was alive, and so he could just help him through his short spurts of panic whenever his limbs didn’t feel right or when his chest felt a little too heavy. He put the suit in the closet for a few months, without any regrets. Someone handled it, he thinks, but Peter doesn’t know, nor did he really care at the time.

The process is just long, and hard. One night when he was sitting on the rooftop talking to Deadpool and he just broke down and ranted about it to the someone who thought could probably understand. The mercenary didn’t sugarcoat anything, and helped Peter out the best he could (which, really, was the best he got ever since he got back), and they’ve been speaking a lot more recently. He likes their friendship. They eat fast food after patrols and it’s comfortable, it’s intimate, it’s vulnerable. 

Despite all of that, he’s still suffering from coming back. He’s grateful, really, he is. Peter is so inexplicably happy to be back and to live, he even took some a short vacation to just be a teenager and live, for once, but there’s all the nightmares and the feelings in his limbs when he focuses too hard on his body, and he’s just terrified all the time.

Wade told him that he won’t actually get over the trauma, but it’ll get easier to cope with after time, and Peter hated that it was true.

Bringing his legs back onto his bed, he scooted backwards so his back is against the wall, and fidgeted his fingers, before laying on his side. Peter had a nightlight now, because honestly, fuck the dark he wasn’t going to get reminded of  _ anything _ that happened during the whole mess, so it was just a precaution. 

Sighing, he brought his blanket up to his chin. 

_ ‘You’re alright _ .’ A voice in his head that not surprisingly sounds like Stark says. 

It brings up bad memories, but he feels oddly comforted and content to hear that.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Personally, I prefer Andrew Garfield for Spiderman, but for the sake of the fanfic and I'm still in awe at Tom Holland's performance, I'm going to say yes, this is supposed to be Tom's Spidey, but also that you can imagine him as whoever you want. My job is to create things for the public to enjoy, not to police the public of those small joys.


End file.
